No. Please, no.

I don't think it's ever been so hard to mind my own business before. I suppose I've always been nosy twit, but it's helped more than it's hurt. Now, for all I know, you could be laying there dying, and I can't say a thing because I should never have read that, I should never have known. I can't say a thing, I can't let you know that people really care. I care. Maybe I shouldn't. I barely know you. But I do care. I do. At first I think I cared because he did. I know he cares about you, if if not in the way that he did. The way that you want. Sometimes I wonder if I really don't love him as much as I think I do, if it would be better for both of you if you were still together. You would each have someone who could keep up with you. We both know that I'll ever be able to.

I just called poison control, and they said that you could have stopped breathing. Oh god. My hands are shaking so hard, I'm surprised I can even type. They said to call your parents so they could take you to the hospital. Immediately. Oh god. This happened 9 hours ago. For all I know, you could be dead right now. 9 hours ago, your tongue was numb and the letters on the screen made no sense. That was 3 o'clock this morning. When would they have found you? Where are you now?

I can't concentrate. I can't breathe. I don't know what's going on. Future, wake up. I'm afraid for her. Please call me. Or her mom. That would be more important. Let me know that she' s okay. Let me know that she is gone and will finally have peace. Just tell me. I can't stand not knowing.

And Brilliance, there is nothing wrong with crying. Four times in the last two days? That's okay. Crying is a way of expressing how you feel. It's healthy. I'm crying right now. With worry and concern and care. For you. And your family? I don't know them, I barely know you. I know so much about you, but we've never actually spoken to each other. We've never actually been 'introduced' or anything. We just know each other because of our circumstances. But if your family doesn't care, if they do hate you, then it their damn loss. You shouldn't take your own life because of that. Their damn loss. I happen to know that you are an incredibly brilliant, caring, just person. Don't think that no one cares. I'd do just about anything at this point to keep you alive.

God, I know you're there, even if she doesn't. Please help her. I don't know why I care so much, she's never said more than 10 words to me in my life. But she can't die. Don't take take her. Not yet. Maybe it's some pathetic illusion that I have that we could eventually become friends. I know it probably won't happen. Maybe it's some saviour-complex need to help her get through this, to find the truth and light and joy in life. I don't know. But I know that I respect her. I admire and revere her. Don't let her die.